How to be better at conversations in 2024

Hello wonderful people.

This month we’ve asked our friends at Cuppa to share some tips on how we can leverage the power of conversation to help tackle the challenge of supporting employee wellbeing.

In the world of Early Careers there is a particular focus on ensuring young people new to a business, and sometimes employment, don’t go unheard. They need to feel safe, engaged and supported.

So, we’ll hand over to ‘Cookie’ who is the CEO of Cuppa. He’ll share a model to help flex your conversation muscle!

G'day,

Today I am going to take you through an acronym called FLEX-IT that will help you connect more meaningfully in the conversations you have with your employees.

Now our conversation muscle weakness is primarily being generated from how we use technology to communicate with others. We have become extremely comfortable hiding behind a screen, feeling like we are 'connected', but in fact we are really becoming more disconnected.

We are becoming:

• Addicted to quick dopamine hits (Social media, emails and any sort of red dot).
• Insular (just look on the bus on the way home on how many people are on phones).
• Permanently distracted.
• Urgent obsessed - everything is important.

The truth is the relationship with technology is interrupting the relationship with each other.

I have nothing against technology in our lives, but without a focused effort on improving the way we connect with others the more disconnected and isolated we will become.

So the fight against these feelings can begin with conversations that:

• Make us feel safe enough to share our vulnerabilities.
• Challenge our thinking! We do this when we have more conversations with people who are different to us.
• Strengthen our CONVERSATION muscle.

I’ll explain how we can strengthen our conversation muscle using a model I created called FLEX-IT

F - FOCUS

In each conversation we must aim to have absolute focus on the person in front of us, giving that person our full attention.

The biggest ‘focus thief’ is of course technology…Primarily the mobile phone and computers.

A couple of months ago I was catching up with a senior leader for a coffee. Throughout the whole conversation it felt that I wasn’t there, and I didn’t feel like she was interested.

Her mobile was buzzing and phone calls were accepted!

After the 5th distraction I had enough. I said ‘obviously right now is not good for you, should we reschedule when you can give me your attention?’

The result was that she put the phone away and we had a good chat after that.

Staying focused is not difficult if we manage the surroundings so try put the mobile on silent and remove it from eyesight. I don’t recommend having it on the table (even if it is turned over) or in your pocket (as it may buzz). If we see it, hear it or feel it we still are not 100% focused.  

L - LISTEN

Hi my name is Luke and I am an interrupter… I love finishing other people's sentences and rushing people to get to the point! Yep that's me and I know it is me as I took Oscar Trimboli’s Listening Quiz which I recommend you do as well.

Now Oscar is the deep listening expert, so I am in no way saying I am perfect in this craft (just ask my wife) but I do know that this is definitely something that I am working on every single day to get better at.

LISTENING is seriously an art, and no offense but I think most of us are sh*t at it.  

Oscar shared in a Cuppa interview that we THINK at 900 words per minute but only SPEAK at 150 words. So it is fair to say that most of the time when people are talking it may not be exactly what they are wanting to say in the first instance.

The other thing Oscar has taught me is that LISTEN and SILENT have the same letters in it. Yep mind blown! The power of silence is incredible in all aspects of having a conversation and I love using it now in the conversations I am having.

E- ENGAGE

Next we want to engage authentically in the conversation with others

This means;

• Showing interest in what they are saying through your body language and questioning.
• Use questions like ‘Tell me more’ and ‘Why is that so’.

Our aim is to make them feel safe while having a conversation with us. Be careful of blocking FLOW in the conversation though.

Question: Have you ever been in a situations where you are sharing a thought or idea and the person you are chatting to you abruptly stops you and say’s ‘THAT WON’T WORK’ or shuts your idea down?

How did you feel? Rejected?

Sure, the thought or idea may not work but we need to be careful not to block the flow of the conversation we are having. Instead try using the tool called 'YES... AND' where you let them complete their idea and then add your perspective. This then allows the conversation to continue in a way that moves it closer to a positive outcome.

X - XFACTOR

No I am not talking about singing to them. I mean making them walk away with the feeling that you were the X-factor in their day.

How do you become the X-Factor?

1) EXECUTE - Give them FOCUS, LISTEN to their words & ENGAGE authentically with interest. Follow the acronym of FLEX and it will go a long way in making them feel special.

2) PROVIDE VALUE - This can be done in a number of ways

1. Advice
2. Clear next steps
3. Follow up

The final two parts of I & T are there to remind you of your role

I - INTENT

Preparing for your conversation is critical, and understanding the intent around what you want to achieve. Before having the conversation find out what is the real intent for it so you can be prepared. This will help you set the right scene and have you in the right headspace.

One of the questions Oscar asks me when we speak is “What will make this a great conversation?”. I love this as it sets the scene and again clarifies the intent of what is trying to be achieved.

T-TIME

None of this can happen if we don’t make more time to have more meaningful conversations. Time is everything.

Time conversation challenge

I want you to try something for me if you have an IPHONE (if you have an android it is in the digital wellbeing part in settings)

1. Go to settings
2. Click screen time
3. Look at your daily average and click on ‘See all activity’
4. Scroll down and look at your social media usage
5. How much did you use on Facebook?
6. How much did you use on Instagram?
7. How much did you use on TikTok?
8. Other social media channels?
9. Add up all those numbers
10. Work out what 25% of that is

Example…. My time over the last week (7 days) was 6 hours on social media. 25% of that is 1hr 30 minutes

Your task is to allocate that 25% of that time to conversations next week and practice FLEX-IT.

Who should you have a conversation with?

• An employee you haven't spoken to for too long.
• An employee you don't know much about.
• An employee who is different from you (age, sexuality, culture, disability etc)

I promise you that you will grow as a person and as a leader.

FINAL WORDS

We are getting to a critical point as a society that we need to say techNOlogy more and FLEX-IT in as many situations as possible.

So strengthen that conversation muscle, speak to your people and truly engage. You’ll gain respect, trust, and position yourself as someone they can come to when they need to be heard.

Its been good chatting,

Luke 'Cookie' Cook

Cuppa is built to help organisations who want the most for their people. With 100’s of global experts on the platform, giving your team access means empowering them to improve their well-being, performance and belonging THROUGH THE POWER OF CONVERSATION.

Come and have a Cuppa with Cookie here: https://cuppa.tv/

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